SquareBoy's Super Smash-Up is a video game for the Nintendo DS, Nintendo DSi, and "Wie" platforms, as well as the PC, Mac, and Linux operating systems, released in January 2010 and developed by Whothefuckcares Productions. It is the first game in the series of the same name, and is a spin-off focusing on USG and ESB's cousin, SquareBoy, as he fights Republicans. The game is rated AO for Adults Only, due to blood, disturbing imagery, violence, use of drugs and alcohol, strong language, strong sexual content, and nudity. Upon release, the game received favorable reviews from critics, but was universally panned by members of the Republican Party.
A sequel. SquareBoy's Super Smash-Up 2: The Revenge of Nixon, was released in summer 2011.
SquareBoy, who is a resident of Squareville, a small city in the rural Midwest populated entirely by talking green cubes, receives a ransom note from an unknown source, later revealed to be former President of the United States, George W. Bush. Bush informs SquareBoy that he has kidnapped current President, Barack Obama, and is planning on taking over the world and turning Squareville into a stronghold for the Republican Party. Due to SquareBoy's unstoppable rage-fueled hatred of Republicans, he plots to stop him. After his cousins, USG and ESB, refuse to help him, he ventures through various worlds to attempt to defeat Bush, aided by Alexandre Q. Beandot, a French salesman.
World 1 - Greeny GreenhouseEdit
Greeny Greenhouse, the first world, serves as an introduction to the game, and includes non-threatening enemies such as Beandots, Bubble Barfs, and Jinglepoques. Alexandre's headquarters are located here, with a large variety of items for SquareBoy to purchase. The levels are composed of grassy plains with a few bodies of water and trees. The boss of this world is Hangcat, a ferocious and limbless cat hanging by a rope from a palm tree.
- 1-1: Generic Green Grasslands - A basic grassland level with few obstacles.
- 1-2: High Anxiety Hill - A large hill that briefly dips into the sky, where Parabeandots abound.
- 1-3: Beandot Bay - A grassland/lakeside area featuring the game's first underwater segment.
- 1-4: Hanging Gardens - A vast greenhouse with dangerous gardens, where Hangcat is fought.
World 2 - Doomy DesertEdit
This world is a generic desert world, featuring pyramids, a Sphinx with the head of George W. Bush, plentiful amounts of Cacktoots and Mama Cacktoots (including a whole village of them), and an oasis. Massive pits of quicksand can be found here as well, and SquareBoy is forced to buy canteens in order to stay alive. The boss of this world is Cactus Creepo, a large sentient cactus with a disturbing grin brought to life by Bush's magic dust.
- 2-1: Pyramid Plaza - A basic desert level with an underground segment.
- 2-2: Cacktoot Village - A desert town filled to the brim with Cacktoots.
- 2-3: Sparkling Oasis - An oasis level with both land and underwater sections.
- 2-4: Blistering Badlands - A marathon of a desert level with quicksand, where Cactus Creepo is fought.
World 3 - Throw-Your-Cookies VolcanoEdit
The third world is a mix between lava plains, a river made of magma, and the titular volcano. Fire Snakes, massive enemies that serve as minibosses, are found here, as are Dopoboos and Downpoboos. Alexandre operates a shop here, with more advanced weapons such as ball-'n'-chains and small bazookas. Torchtle, a turtle with a torch on its back that shoots out fireballs and can somehow fly despite not having wings, is the boss of this world.
- 3-1: Volcanic Valley
- 3-2: Lukewarm Lava Lair
- 3-3: Fire Snake River - A river made of magma where Fire Snakes constantly pursue SquareBoy.
- 3-4: Steamtorch Sauna - A steamy level with fire and water, where Torchtle is fought.
World 4 - Djinn's HideoutEdit
This world is Arabian Nights-themed, and features large towers and pastel-colored sunsets. In addition, SquareBoy rides a magic carpet for part of the world, and there is a lack of enemies but an abundance of puzzles. SquareBoy meets the Djinn, who seems to be willing to help him on his adventure, and an enigmatic flying treasure chest that plants traps near him. The chest, known as Magic Chest, serves as the boss of the world, and once it is unlocked, Djinn (who is actually George W. Bush in disguise) pops out and fights SquareBoy as a second boss.
- 4-1: Supernatural Spire - A vertical tower filled with trap doors and puzzles.
- 4-2: Mystical Marketplace - A level going through the bustling downtown of the city.
- 4-3: Magic Carpet Mayhem - A flying level, where SquareBoy purchases his own magic carpet.
- 4-4: Lucid Labyrinth - A vast maze, where Magic Chest and the Djinn are eventually fought.
World 5 - Beachy Palm BeachEdit
The fifth world has a tropical flair to it, and SquareBoy encounters new enemies such as Patty Crabbies and Growlguts, which are small fish. Swimming is featured prominently in this world, as well as a mysterious location called "Hula Babe Island." The levels in this world alternate between land, beach, and sea, and the boss is Bubble Butt, a massive, big-lipped fish that farts out bubbles.
- 5-1: Shimmering Shore
- 5-2: Deep Sea Dive
- 5-3: Hula Babe Island
- 5-4: Bubble Butte
World 6 - Jingle JungleEdit
In the sixth world, which resembles a rainforest, Jinglepoques are abundant and SquareBoy ventures to the top of very tall trees. Riding on clouds is another new gimmick added to this world, and Alexandre holds a shop here where SquareBoy can buy large machetes, which help with clearing vines out of the way and dispatching enemies but are sold at a steep price. The boss of this world is Chunky Monkey, a morbidly obese primate with quivering jowls who drops bombs on SquareBoy.
- 6-1: Jingle Japes
- 6-2: High Tree Bluff
- 6-3: Viney Vine Climb
- 6-4: Treacherous Treetops
World 7 - Ice Skating KinkEdit
SquareBoy ventures out into the icy north for the seventh world, where he purchases a pair of ice skates and fights enemies such as Ice Kates. In addition, zambonis are featured and are able to be ridden, providing an easier way of transportation. The snowy weather forces SquareBoy to bundle up. The boss of this world is Nater Skater, a strange, lanky, extremely fast man with ice skates.
- 7-1: Ice Kate Fields
- 7-2: Zambonium Pandemonium
- 7-3: Milkshake Lake
- 7-4: Snowbound Stadium
World 8 - Rocky MountainEdit
The eighth world features SquareBoy climbing up a large mountain. The enemies and terrain get tougher as he progresses up the mountain, and tough features such as new enemies (including Turdburd, an avian who defecates on SquareBoy) and giant rolling boulders appear. In addition, SquareBoy can use drills to explore underground. The boss of the world is The Rocker, a potato who plays the electric guitar.
- 8-1: Boulder Boulevard
- 8-2: Crystal Cave
- 8-3: Rickety Rocky Lift
- 8-4: Pendulous Peak
World 9 - Spooky BayouEdit
In the penultimate world, SquareBoy travels to a New Orleans bayou, which turns out to be haunted. Creepy raft rides abound, and enemies such as Beeuts flit about. Lanterns are used in the world due to the perpetual blackness, and hard-to-traverse swamps are also plentiful. The boss of this world is Lanternion, a possessed lantern demon who chases SquareBoy on his raft.
- 9-1: Slimy Swamp
- 9-2: N'Orlins at Night
- 9-3: Pitch-Black Path
- 9-4: Rapid Raft Wrath
World 10 - The White HouseEdit
SquareBoy finally makes it to the White House, which has been rigged with traps and taken over by Bush and his Republican cronies. Dodging Secret Service agents, sprinting through the National Mall while being attacked by brainwashed Congressmen, and defacing important historic documents are all common pastimes in this world. The boss is George W. Bush himself, who is outfitted with an army tank and tons of artillery, but once defeated, the brains behind the operation is revealed to actually be former Vice President, Dick Cheney, and he is fought as the true final boss. Once both are taken care of, Obama is saved and SquareBoy promptly leaves to go get tacos.
- 10-1: Secret Security Sneak
- 10-2: National Mall Ass Haul
- 10-3: Constitution Crack-Up
- 10-4: Brainteaser Beatdown
- 10-5: The Final Battle...?
World 11 - Pine Tree PanicEdit
This world, which is one of three secret worlds, is a plains/forest-type area with sentient trees that try to fling SquareBoy off of them at any opportunity. Dodging the trees is not an easy task, and tough enemies such as Vultures lurk in them, but the trees must be used to progress through certain levels. The boss of this level is Big, Bad Butt Cheeks, a large, hairy, disembodied buttocks with a face who burrows underground and has massive tree trunks growing out of it.
- 11-1: Peaceful Pine Grove
- 11-2: Evergreen Extravaganza
- 11-3: Logjammin'
- 11-4: Coniferous Carnage
World 12 - Bush Dog's DomainEdit
George W. Bush's dog, "Barney," who apparently has rabies, invites SquareBoy to his doghouse to "play" with him for the second secret world. Said dog house is much bigger on the inside, and actually resembles a castle, and is of course filled with tons of extremely lethal traps. Barney, also known as Bush Dog, is the boss of the world.
World 13 - Lilypad LakeEdit
In the final secret world, SquareBoy ventures to a nearby lake/swamp, which is overrun by creatures called Funny Pads and Frowny Pads. After swimming through tons of water-filled puzzles and dodging said Pads, the boss of the world is fought: Lilly Pad Lips, a disembodied pair of large, pink, chapped lips with two lily pads acting as its eyes.
- Bubble Barf
- High Poque
- Mama Cacktoot
- Fire Snake
- Patty Crabby
- Ice Kate
- Secret Service Agent
- Morbidly Obese Agent
- High Agent
- Mrs. Bush
- Terrible Tree
- Guard Dawg
- Funny Pad
- Frowny Pad
- Little Butt
- Squareaoh Costume - Pay $500 to be an ancient Egyptian square.
- Squarebot Costume - For $500, SquareBoy can dress up as a robot.
- Suit and Tie Boy Costume - Give SquareBoy a classy suit, toupee, and sunglasses for $500.
- cheese! Costume - Turn SquareBoy into a hunk of cheese for $1000.
- GhostBoy - SquareBoy merges with a Ghostey for $1000.
- SquareGirl - For $1000, you can play as SquareBoy in drag.
- George Washingsquare Costume - Play as the first president of the Squares for only $1500.
- AlienBoy - Includes a ray gun! Sold for $1500.
- Dracula! - The exclamation point proves that this is a very good costume, which can be bought for $1500.
- Zomboy - SquareBoy becomes undead for $1500.
- Death - The Grim Reaper can be played for $5000, if you know how to unlock it...
- World 11 - Beat World 10, George W. Bush, and Dick Cheney.
- World 12 - Pay $1000 and beat World 11.
- World 13 - Pay $1500 and beat World 12.
- Boss Battles - If you've beaten all bosses, this is available for $5000.
- Hangcat Trophy - Unlocked by collecting $10 in Greeny Greenhouse and beating Hangcat.
- Cactus Creepo Trophy - Unlocked by collecting $20 in Doomy Desert and beating Cactus Creepo.
- Torchtle Trophy - Unlocked by collecting $30 in Throw-Your-Cookies Volcano and beating Torchtle.
- Djinn/Magic Chest Trophy - Unlocked by collecting $40 in Djinn's Hideout and beating Magic Chest.
- Bubble Butt Trophy - Unlocked by collecting $50 in Beachy Palm Beach and beating Bubble Butt.
- Chunky Monkey Trophy - Unlocked by collecting $60 in Jingle Jungle and beating Chunky Monkey.
- Nater Skater Trophy - Unlocked by collecting $70 in Ice Skating Kink and beating Nater Skater.
- The Rocker Trophy - Unlocked by collecting $80 in Rocky Mountain and beating The Rocker.
- Lanternion Trophy - Unlocked by collecting $90 in Spooky Bayou and beating Lanternion.
- George W. Bush Trophy - Unlocked by collecting $100 in The White House and beating George W. Bush.
- Dick Cheney Trophy - Unlocked by beating Dick Cheney.
- Big, Bad Butt Cheeks Trophy - Unlocked by collecting $110 in Pine Tree Panic and beating Big, Bad Butt Cheeks.
- Bush Dog Trophy - Unlocked by collecting $120 in Bush Dog's Domain and beating Bush Dog.
- Lilly Pad Lips Trophy - Unlocked by collecting $130 in Lilypad Lake and beating Lilly Pad Lips.